Fuck

A free membership plus a job that doesn’t require much force to-and-from my right hand would be PERFECT for my recovery and life and everything right now. I’m getting back on my feet. I’m running again and it feels great. I’m stretching the way I need to be stretched. I’m thinking about things in ways that need to be thought, or trying at least. Trying to be as full as possible without overstuffing and spilling. Whatever though, fucking spill. Messes are okay. They can always be cleaned up. 

There are some things I still just cannot do and I’ll admit to being impatient but I can’t help it. I tried to climb a tree earlier because I figured I just could. I can sort of use my fingers now. Nope! Hand says NO. It’s weird to have something not have feeling, but hurt so badly. Saying just that makes no sense, but it’s how it is. I tried to brush my teeth with my right hand this morning, just to get back into it. My hand, wrist, arm and shoulder are so WEAK. I know that’s to be expected after everything but at the same time I’m honestly concerned with how its going, how it’s been going. I’m very close to being done hoping it will just turn around and get better to dealing with the fact that it might not and will have to be further fixed. In the mean time, I’m focusing on getting the rest of me as strong as possible to deal with my weak spot.

It’ll get better either way, it’s just crazy and I have every right to freak out or not freak out over it. I am burrowed deep in a place in my brain and I’m making messes. I will clean up. My lord. I’m writing about one thing but talking about so many others too. So many things. Das lyf.

I finished my tuesday with Morrie and that man has enlightened me so, I can’t believe I hadn’t read that book sooner but I’m so glad I did now, especially during my break from the hospital. Literally everyone needs to read that book, over and over, or until you realize that the one that you love is going to someday shit the bed next to you, and it will smell, but you’ll still love them forever. “Love each other or Perish”